No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
