he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
