Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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