need another drink. this is the easiest way
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
