People in love make me want to vomit
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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