I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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