If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You are a genius and a whore.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
