i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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