The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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