I faked an abortion last night.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize