Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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