i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
