I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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