Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
farters have to be the big spoon...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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