Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways