I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible