i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
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Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
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I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here