That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush