"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
