My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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