I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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