is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
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I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
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I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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