Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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