Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
