Michael Bay diarrhea
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
