you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
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I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
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Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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