your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
