the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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