hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
