Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
