I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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