she woke up with a sticky ear
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
