Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
