saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
