I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
As shirtless as possible
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize