i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
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Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
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then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize