he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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