Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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