What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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