She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
