My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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