this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
