we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
