Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
