I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My bed smells like the plague
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
