Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
