I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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