I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
