there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
