I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
