this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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