I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
