how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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