I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
