I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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