I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
