I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
