So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
