Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
