11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
