My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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