yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
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Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
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How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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