well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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